My decision... and venting out.

2017-09-04 16:24:44 by SailorMoonRocks01

...... Okay.. I'm not going lie... I'm very depressed... because... Me and my mom had talk and...

I'm going book appointment to ask my doctor, to remove my large colon and rectum and closes off the anus.... My health isn't improving and to be honest... I try to avoid this... You saw many times, I change my mind how many times.

Because I hoped and pray that I... will be in remission without any heavy medication or operation... But I guess, it didn't work out... I lost the war... I been fighting this for 18 years... and I'm tired of it. The same tune over and over. I can't deal with shit anymore.

To point that... *Look down in shame* I want to jump out of window... But lucky I told my mom about it so she going do something, to stop my suffering. She found a few doctors we going talk to... She understand that I'm so depressed because... Everything is shit now! My dad has Cancer, my grandma is in hospital and I still losing blood! That for things need to change and I needs some happiness. 

So I did some thinking and made list of questions I'm going ask the doctors.

Also.... I did make goal for myself... and start or trying myself to think positive.

After this operation is done, I recovered and work for the money I need... I will go to Disney Land.

I always wanted to go but I couldn't.. Because of my health and had not enough money.

But now nothing going stop me anymore, since I'm not going have gut anymore so ya... I'm going work to go to Disney Land.

My mom and dad say, it's now to point I need to get my life back.

Sorry to make this a very, very depressing journal... it's just I need to get this off my chest.


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2017-09-04 17:04:30

Hey.. I just wanted to say that I know what you are going through and I support you and I hope life starts going well for you. I have had chest pains for five years and I have a disorder called hereditary homeostasis, meaning I have too much Iron in my blood, meaning I get severe chest pains and having severe headaches. I was also being bullied at school during that time so I know how it feels.. I still have the disorder and I have to draw blood once a month to help me but don't give up in life. What helped me was listening to music and making my own music, hopefully listening to happy music like for example, F777's So Freaking Happy. I wish you luck - PancakePocket

SailorMoonRocks01 responds:

Thank you, I'm going get me out of this depression some how...


2017-09-04 17:35:18

That is very sad :( I have Aspeger Syndrome or Autism but what you wrote does not compare with mine.I hope you get on with your life -DiegoForce64

SailorMoonRocks01 responds:

Thank you.

Life can be very cruel.


2017-09-19 10:53:14

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I've been through depression, but I can tell you that it will get better, so please remember to never give up, no matter what. I hope everything is going better for you now.

SailorMoonRocks01 responds:

Thank you.

Things is still rough here...


2017-09-21 21:37:22

Whoa, I hope you get better.
I wish you many good lucks.

SailorMoonRocks01 responds:

Thank you.


2017-09-27 23:54:20

I found out about you because PancakePocket said something about you in a post, and I wish you the best of luck ~

SailorMoonRocks01 responds:

Thank you.


2017-09-28 18:35:19

PancakePocket led me here, and you are suffering a lot, which I hope you feel better about. My grandma has stage 5 cancer and my grandma is somehow living for a very long time, but this situation is so depressing, I hope you feel better, best of luck to you, Sailor!

SailorMoonRocks01 responds:

Thank you. I hope your grandma gets better.